A Man Is Interviewed On The Street

A Man Is Interviewed On The Street

 

 

“Excuse me, sir? I’d like to ask you a few questions?”

“’bout what?”

“Disciplining your dog”

“Oh, aye, I discipline it alright. Bloody chihuahuas are a cantankerous, pigheaded breed.”

“How do you discipline it?”

“Shock collar. As soon as she squats on the carpet, zap!”

“Oh my-isn’t that rather extreme?”

” If I discipline me kids to behave, I surely can teach that damn dog.”

“Your kids?”

“Yah, two sons, ages 7 and 8, and daughter, 16. Best behaved kids in the world. They’ll never open your fridge without askin’, or, switch the channel on your tv, they behave proper alright.”

“You use a shock collar on them?”

“Leave off, missus. Nah, I put ’em over me knee, pull their pants down and spank ’em!”

“You do that to your children? Oh my God!”

“Well, yeah, pain and shame quickly puts ’em right.”

“You do that to your daughter? Your 16 year old daughter?”

“Yeah, why?”

“She’s sixteen!”

“And? She deserves spec- wait a minute, are you implyin’-wait a bloody minute! Get your mind out the gutter-that’s me daughter- tho, there was one time I got a partial stiffie when I was spankin the 8 year old, but, that’s because there was a classic scene coming up when I were watching Debbie Does Dallas on the VCR-“

“That’s terrible!”

“Oh, I know, but I can’t afford a DVD, or, Blu-Ray player-“

“No! It’s terrible that your exposing your 8 year old son to pornography!”

“Why’s that, then? He’s learnin ’bout the birds an’ bees, ain’t he? And etiquette. I were watchin’ Anal Desires 14, when I hit Tommy on the noggin’ and says to him, I says’ ‘ere see what he’s doin? You knock first before you go in the back door.”

“Oh, my God!.”

“Truth be told. I were on the PC watching some slap and tickle, an I read all those message boards, an’ everyone sayin’ try anal, try anal! It’s fantastic! An’ you know, Ethel, me wee woman, well, she’s more of a layin’ on yer back kinda woman, except this one time we were at Tracies weddin’ an she got a bit tipsy, well, actually, she were walkin’ sideways. We got a wee bit amorous when we got home, and as she laying there, moanin’, or snorin’, I couldn’t quite tell really cos her moans and snores sound the same an’ all. Anyway, I say’s hey Et, any chance I could come in through the back door, and she went, hrrump, which I took for yes, so I did. I’m not sure if it’s marital rape, but, the next week Et was so sore back there, and she did some bleedin’, but luckily for me, she thought it was her ‘roids, and used some cream.”

“That’s awful!”

“It sure is. The smell of that stuff is really strong.”

“No! You misunderstand-“

“Listen, I shouldn’t be sayin’ this, but, you know how you watch some of the old in an out on the PC, and it kinda gets boring after a while? So, you go check out the more, well, specialty sites? Y’know? All that tying up, and peeing, an’ dressin’ up, an’ all that? Well, I got on this site called Animal Love, and it was showin’ some rather risque pictures and film of all these dogs dressed up in frilly knickers an’ stuff, and I read the message boards and everyone sayin’ ya gotta try bangin’ a dog once. It’s incredible! See, Lady, me wee chihuahua, well, I’ve been noticing how she walks, see. The way she has her tail up, in a come hither way. I fear for her y’see”

“You! You! Y-“

” Now, don’t worry, I’ve learned me lesson. I bought KY jelly. She’ll hardly feel a thing.”

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